My Walk Through Hell! - The Fermented Foody

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My Walk Through Hell!

Fancy an ‘evening walk to hell,’ anyone? 😉

I wrote this story in the present tense … It seemed appropriate at the time, so let’s transport ourselves ..

You ready?

The Walk To Hell

It’s Wednesday night  and hubby and I pop out for a local jaunt to the river.

As we have limited time before dark, he suggests swinging left through some fields that head in the general direction of the river.

Well, that’s if you know where you’re going.

(Which I assumed he did, as he’s lived in this area for 30 years. (You know what ‘they’ say about those who ‘assume’ though … 😉 ..)

A few minutes into our detour, with daylight dimming, we arrive at a field ‘T-Junction.’ Left? Or Right?

He’s not sure.

So I suggest that left is at least heading towards home and if we don’t get a move on, we’ll be in a fieldy/forresty area, with no lights to see the potholes and tall bushes.

We head left.

As he confidently strides ahead of me, indicating that the river really can’t be far away .. (it’s a hop and skip in reality, but it didn’t feel that way at the time!) .. branches flick back into my face, hitting me with a slight scratchy/feely movement.

“Darrrrlllinng” I implore, “do you think you could hold back the scratchy/feely branches for me please? They’re hitting me in the face?”

I don’t want to be too far behind. Am nervous in the dark and it’s almost ‘bears and wolves’ time. (You know – those dark pockets of forested areas where anything/one could lurk.)

And so we muddle along until he sees ‘the light.’ (Of course, the first time he truly did that was when he realised he needed to propose to me. Wink.)

“Look! The river is there! It’s not far. Get a move on!” I’m instructed.

STINGING NETTLES

“My legs are stinging!!!” I grumble.

He walks faster again, leaving the tall leaves to ping from his wake onto the front of my legs. As we push through slowly (too dark to walk fast now) the entire walkway of leaves we are now having to part to make a pathway are also stinging me from both sides.

I squint downwards.

“They’re STINGING nettles!!!! I can’t believe you’re walking us through GIANT STINGING nettles!!!”

“What’s your problem?!” He calls back. Laughing.

Yes you read that right. Laughing.

Of course he would! Cosy in his long trousers, no nettles were going to mark their territory on our happy guide.

Me? Boots just below the knee (thankfully) but the rest of my flesh was up for grabs, with just a pair of shorts to protect me.

“I’m stinging all over!!” I whine. This ENTIRE area is FULL of STINGING NETTLES! LOOK!”

“Keep moving” he orders, as a hand shoots out backwards towards me, to drag me faster through the Walk of Pain.

“Pick me some dock leaves please ..” I whimper.

“I don’t know what they look like!”

“You WHAT? Of COURSE you do! They’re next to the millions of stinging nettles. Everyone learns that when they’re five! Look! HUGE leaves. Down there.”

“Wherrre?!!!” He plucks one. (Grinning.)

“Darlingggg, I’m stinging all over. We’re going to need at least 6!”

(He obliges. Laughing his head off.)

I wrap my large – previously unnecessary lightweight, crochet style, summer scarf – around my legs to try to minimise the sting. It offers no benefit.

“If you stop messing about, we’ll get there faster!”

“Yes, but if I cover my legs, I may arrive without further damage!”

We press on through a hundred yards of the critters.

I requested a stop at the river bank to rub my legs down. One cursory rub from Laughing Man and I finish the job myself, arriving home covered in mini weals that stung for the next couple of hours.

So that was our evening walk last night.

Oh how we laughed. (In retrospect!!)

Have YOU been on any walks with friends/family/partners and come a’cropper?!

DO share your stories!

Toodle-Oo for today,

Have a wonderful week-end.

KISSES - CBemail-signature1

About the Author Sarah Jackson

I love to experiment with food, write poetry, read, walk in nature, take iphone photographs, sing, cycle, watch good movies, documentaries, dramas and comedy.

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2 comments
Nicky Claydon says

Poor you Sarah. Hope you are recovered now and glad humour got you through it! Brought back horrible memories of me falling in a nettle bed off a farm gate at the age of 5. I give any nettles a wide berth after that 🙂

Reply
    Sarah Jackson says

    Am good thanks Nicky! It was funny later on – which made me want to write it up – but my legs were kind of buzzing all over when we arrived home! Falling off a fence at 5 years of age is much worse, because you wouldn’t have been as well equipped to deal with the consequences! We should drink nettle tea together some day, to get our own back. 😉

    Reply
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